The gift of silence

I’m working on inviting more silence into my life.

My inner world, my outer world.

Put the phone away. Put the book down. Turn off the podcast. Quiet the mind. There are too many things pulling at my attention constantly. For years I have underestimated the power of stillness. Of a nap in the sun. Of the quiet, short moments of gazing into my children’s eyes. I am told in not so many words but certainly in so many ads that I should be doing more, buying more, trying more. What I want as I get older is less. Fewer things around my home, less time spent on garbage activities, less late nights and bad food.

Less in some areas creates the space in others for expansion.

It’s like taking off a jacket that is a bit too small. The ribs expand, the breath fills the lungs. It’s almost uncomfortable when the chest gets to stretch out after being constrained for so long.

I’ve been lying in bed in the mornings, phone left untouched on the nightstand, thoughts lazily circulating in my consciousness. I let the memory of the night’s dreams come if they will and I ponder their meaning like I’m an armchair Jungian analyst. I toss the covers aside, open the curtains, crack the window and inch open, and the patio door just as wide. Light a stick of incense. I sit on the meditation pillow and breathe, just breathe, and watch my thoughts for what some days is an eternity and others a flash.

The slowness can feel frightening at times. What will arise from the depths of my mind when I don’t busy myself? When I slow down and let my mind take a break from devouring a refreshed social media feed, what will my mind turn to? When I slow down, sometimes I’m very sad. My grief/love reaches out with no Anni presence to connect to. I feel more tethered to Purpose than I have in a long time but am not sure what the tangible outworking is.

So I continue to embrace stillness and silence. Quiet, quiet, quiet. In the stillness, the answers arise, or perhaps more importantly contentment knowing there may not be answers. Stillness encourages embracing what is present, right now. No need to figure anything out. Just be with what is.