Against the Glass

I’m sitting in the public library, surrounded by gigantic plants. I love this spot, next to big windows and big plants. This one to my right is twisted, huge stem resting on the windowsill, leaves pressed against the glass, gulping in the sunshine.

It made me think about how we long for light. We long to be noticed, emotionally fed, celebrated and understood.

We look to others for approval, accolades, permission. We press our noses against the glass, hoping for someone to look our way and validate our existence. This is so obvious as we press our faces, our bodies, our words to the glass of our phones, reaching for warmth from others.

We forget that validation first has to come from within because when we do get compliments, recognition, and love from others, if we don’t think we deserve it, we won’t believe them. If we don’t believe them, we’re perpetually grasping, grabbing, gulping up others’ love and it’s running out because we don’t have the capacity to hold it.

I’ve noticed this with something like when I tell a friend how much I love a photo of her and the first thing she says is, “I really need to get my roots touched up”. Immediately, the compliment is deflected to point out some perceived deficiency.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be seen and appreciated. It’s how we’re wired as an inherently social species. But what a gift to be at home with ourselves, to be sure of our voice, our bodies, our gifts, to know that we can share them without the energy of taking, but with the energy of giving. When we share from a place of internal abundance, what we get in return is just a bonus.